Five Completely True Predictions for 2011

Uneasy about what the future holds for the most infamous stars and stories of 2010? Relax, guys! I got y’all covered. 

  • The rapist in Lincoln Park, Alabama will be caught - and will be revealed to be Julian Assange. He is really dumb, for real.
  • Scientists will discover that a double rainbow all the way means one more year of a depressed economy and high unemployment. Damn it, Hungrybear9562! Thanks a lot
  • No more TV shows based on Twitter will be made. There will, however, be a feature film based on the tweets of a twenty-something thinker named Amanda Bynes, because A. She is brilliant and pithy, and B. Judaism. 
  • Justin Bieber’s prolific stardom will be revealed to be due to his real management team: Heidi and Spencer Pratt.
  • BP, unable to regain the public’s acceptance, will cease operations in the oil business and will merge with a less vilified organization: the United Fruit Company.
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Notes

  1. ceandersen posted this